The Not-So-Accurate-History of France by ChatGPT

Hello, and welcome to this year’s less-than-serious episode. Rather than having me impersonate a historical figure again I decided to switch things up. This year AI Chatbots rose to prominence, particularly ChatGPT. These programs are remarkably intelligent and have the capacity to generate text on virtually any subject with a surprising level of accuracy. Thankfully, ChatGPT only uses a select number of sources and is incapable of evaluating which are more reputable than others, which means that historians like me still have jobs…for now. ChatGPT failed its advanced history test, but I was not done with it. I decided to test its creative capabilities. I inputted a wide variety of prompts, all related to French history, and the program generated dialogues, stories, movie scripts and more, the funniest of which I and some friends decided to read for your listening pleasure. With that, I give you The Not-So-Accurate-History of France by ChatGPT:

Jessica Quartel: In the style of an advice columnist, respond to Napoleon Bonaparte's question, "How can I make Tsar Alexander like me so I don't have to invade his territory?"

Dear Napoleon,

It's understandable that you want to avoid a costly war with Tsar Alexander, but trying to make someone like you solely to avoid conflict isn't the best approach. Instead, focus on building mutual respect and understanding between your nations. Start by establishing open communication channels and working towards mutually beneficial agreements. You could also try to find common ground and areas of shared interest between France and Russia.

It's important to remember that not everyone will like you, and that's okay. The key is to treat others with respect and strive for peaceful and productive relationships, even when there are disagreements. I hope this advice helps you navigate your relationship with Tsar Alexander and avoid unnecessary conflict.

Best of luck,

Advice Columnist

Gary: Write a story about Charlemagne's Saxon Wars but as a heartwarming bedtime story.

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a great king named Charlemagne. King Charlemagne loved his people very much and wanted to spread peace and harmony throughout his kingdom.

One day, King Charlemagne heard that the Saxons, a neighboring tribe, were causing trouble and spreading chaos in his kingdom. He knew that he had to do something to stop them, so he gathered his army and set out to confront them.

When they arrived, the Saxons refused to listen to reason and refused to stop their violent ways. King Charlemagne knew that he had to take action, but he didn't want to fight if he didn't have to. He believed that there had to be another way to end the conflict and bring peace to his kingdom.

So, King Charlemagne decided to try a different approach. He began to talk to the Saxons and tried to understand their ways. He learned about their culture, their beliefs, and their way of life. He realized that the Saxons were not so different from his own people, and that they had a lot in common.

Slowly but surely, King Charlemagne was able to build trust and understanding with the Saxons. They began to see that he truly cared about them and wanted to find a peaceful solution to their problems.

Eventually, King Charlemagne and the Saxons were able to come to an agreement. They promised to live in peace with one another, and King Charlemagne returned to his kingdom with a newfound respect for the Saxons.

From that day on, the kingdom was filled with peace and harmony. King Charlemagne's kindness and understanding had brought an end to the conflict, and his people lived happily ever after.

As the moon rose high in the sky, parents all over the kingdom told their children the heartwarming story of King Charlemagne's Saxon Wars, a story of understanding and forgiveness that would be remembered for generations to come.

The Siècle: Write a scene from Les Misérables wherein the characters bicker over which superhero is the best.

As Jean Valjean and Cosette strolled through the bustling streets of Paris, they overheard a heated argument brewing nearby.

"Superman is clearly the best superhero!" exclaimed Marius, his face flushed with passion.

"Bah, Superman is too predictable. Batman is far superior," retorted Enjolras.

"I beg to differ," chimed in Grantaire. "Wonder Woman is the true champion of justice."

"Ridiculous!" cried Javert. "Captain America is the epitome of all that is good and righteous."

The group continued to argue and bicker, each one passionately defending their own favorite superhero. Jean Valjean couldn't help but chuckle to himself at the scene.

"Excuse me," he said, stepping forward. "I couldn't help but overhear your discussion. May I offer my two cents?"

The group looked at him skeptically, but eventually nodded their heads in agreement.

"Well, in my opinion, the greatest superhero of them all is none other than... Fantine."

There was a moment of stunned silence as the group processed this unexpected answer.

"Fantine?" Marius repeated incredulously.

Jean Valjean nodded solemnly. "Yes, Fantine. She was a hero in her own right. She sacrificed everything for the sake of her daughter. She faced unimaginable hardship and cruelty with grace and dignity. And in the end, she gave her life so that her child could have a better future. That, my friends, is true heroism."

The group fell silent, reflecting on Jean Valjean's words. Finally, Enjolras spoke up.

"You know, you're right," he said thoughtfully. "Maybe we've been too caught up in the fantasy of superheroes. We should remember that there are real heroes all around us, everyday people who do extraordinary things in the face of adversity."

The others nodded in agreement, and for a moment, all was quiet as they paid silent tribute to the memory of Fantine.

"Perhaps we should all strive to be heroes in our own way," said Jean Valjean with a smile.

And with that, the group parted ways, each one deep in thought about the meaning of heroism and the true nature of courage.

Gary: Write a movie script about the Dreyfus Affair but every character is a magical creature [Gary]

FADE IN:

EXT. THE MAGICAL CITY OF PARIS - DAY

The city is bustling with magical creatures of all shapes and sizes. Goblins, fairies, and unicorns wander the streets as if it is an ordinary day. We hear a sudden explosion, and the camera pans to the source of the sound: the military base.

CUT TO:

INT. THE MILITARY BASE - DAY

We see ALFRED DREYFUS, a young centaur, being accused of a crime he did not commit. The military officers, who are all werewolves, are convinced that he has betrayed them to the enemy. Dreyfus is devastated and begs for mercy, but the werewolf officers are unrelenting.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE MAGICAL CITY OF PARIS - NIGHT

We see EMILE ZOLA, a wise old dragon, flying through the city. He lands on a rooftop and meets with a group of magical creatures, including a fairy, a gnome, and a griffin. They discuss Dreyfus's case and the injustice that has been done to him. They decide to investigate and clear his name.

CUT TO:

INT. THE MILITARY BASE - DAY

Zola and his team of magical creatures sneak into the military base and find evidence that proves Dreyfus's innocence. They escape undetected and take the evidence to the leaders of the magical community.

CUT TO:

INT. THE COURTROOM - DAY

Dreyfus's trial is being held in front of a jury of magical creatures. The werewolf officers present their case, but Zola and his team of magical creatures present the evidence that proves Dreyfus's innocence. The jury finds Dreyfus not guilty, and he is released from custody.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE MAGICAL CITY OF PARIS - DAY

Dreyfus the centaur is welcomed back into society, and he is given a hero's welcome by the magical creatures of Paris before flying off on the back of Zola.

FADE OUT.

JQ: How would a French chef prepare the Xenomorph for consumption?

It is highly unlikely that a French chef would ever consider preparing a Xenomorph for consumption, as it is a fictional extraterrestrial creature and not a food source. Additionally, even if such a creature were to exist in real life, it would likely be too dangerous to handle and its meat could pose potential health hazards. Therefore, it is not a topic that would be discussed in French culinary circles or in any professional kitchen.

Her Half of History: Write a story about the French Wars of Religion but set in space.

In the far-off reaches of the galaxy, a great conflict rages between the forces of the Galactic Empire and the rebel Alliance. But amid this chaos, a new battle has begun - one that will test the faith and resolve of countless beings across the stars.

For generations, the galaxy had been at peace, but with the rise of a new religious order, everything changed. The Huguenots, followers of the teachings of Jean Calvin, had begun to spread their faith throughout the stars, challenging the established order of the Empire and sowing seeds of dissent and division.

The Empire, ever vigilant, responded with force, dispatching its most fearsome star cruisers to crush the Huguenot rebellion and preserve order in the galaxy. But the Huguenots were not easily cowed, and their faith gave them strength even in the darkest of times.

As the war raged on, it became clear that no side would emerge victorious without a great sacrifice. The Huguenots, inspired by their faith, refused to back down, and the Empire, determined to maintain its grip on power, pushed ever harder.

In the end, it was a small group of rebels, led by a Huguenot captain named Henri de Navarre, who turned the tide of the conflict. Their daring raids and strategic strikes weakened the Empire's resolve and emboldened the Huguenots to stand firm in their beliefs.

In a final, epic battle, the rebel fleet faced off against the might of the Imperial Star Destroyers, their ships glittering like stars in the black void of space. Blasters flashed, engines roared, and the fate of the galaxy hung in the balance.

But in the end, it was the courage and conviction of the Huguenots that won the day. With a mighty cry of "for God and the Huguenots!", they charged into battle, their faith and their weapons blazing. And as the smoke cleared and the last Imperial ships exploded into nothingness, a new dawn broke over the galaxy - one of freedom, justice, and faith.

Gary: Write a scene wherein two rednecks with thick accents, Bubba and Clementine, have a detailed and heated debate about Albert Camus' "The Myth of Sisyphus"

[Gary as Bubba, Bodycount Podcast as Clementine]:

Bubba and Clementine are sitting on the front porch of Bubba's trailer, drinking beer and talking about philosophy. They both have thick Southern accents and are wearing trucker hats.

Bubba: "Hey Clementine, have you ever read this book by some French guy named Albert Camus? It's called 'The Myth of Sisyphus.' It's all about how life is meaningless and we just keep pushing this boulder up a hill for no reason."

Clementine: "I ain't never heard of it, but that sounds dumb. Life ain't meaningless, we got our trucks and our guns and our beer."

Bubba: "But see, that's the point. Camus says that we have to create our own meaning in life, but it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. It's impossible."

Clementine: "That don't make no sense. We got plenty of meaning in life. Like, when we go hunting and get us some deer, that's meaningful. Or when we help our neighbors out, that's meaningful too."

Bubba: "But is it really? Camus says that all of our actions are ultimately meaningless, because in the end we're all gonna die and it won't matter anyway."

Clementine: "That's just stupid. Of course our actions matter. Like, if we don't help our neighbors out, then who will? And if we don't go hunting, then how are we gonna eat?"

Bubba: "But what's the point of all of it? Camus says that the only real choice we have is whether or not to kill ourselves, because everything else is just an illusion."

Clementine: "Well, that's just crazy talk. Life is worth living, even if it's hard sometimes. We gotta keep pushing that boulder up the hill, even if we don't know why we're doing it."

Bubba: "I guess you're right. Maybe Camus is just full of it."

Clementine: "Yeah, I reckon he is. Let's crack open another beer."

JQ: Explain why French wine is good in a patronizing way

Oh, French wine. Where do I even begin? Well, first of all, it's important to understand that French wine is good because, well, it's French. You see, the French have been making wine for centuries, and they've gotten pretty good at it. It's not just about the grapes or the terroir or the winemaking techniques, it's about the French "je ne sais quoi" that makes their wine so special.

And let's not forget about the French appellations. I mean, come on, who doesn't love a good appellation? It's like the French are saying, "our wine is so good, we had to create a whole system to categorize it."

Plus, let's face it, drinking French wine just makes you feel sophisticated. You can impress your friends with your knowledge of the different regions and grape varieties, and they'll be in awe of your refined palate.

So, there you have it. French wine is good because it's French, and the French are just better at everything, especially wine.

Write a dialogue of two Valley Girls horribly misunderstanding the Paris Commune

[Her Half of History & Bodycount Podcast as VG1 & VG2, respectively]:

Valley Girl 1: Oh my god, have you heard about this Paris Commune thing?

Valley Girl 2: No, what is it?

Valley Girl 1: I don't know, but it's like sooo chic and trendy right now. Like everyone's talking about it.

Valley Girl 2: Ugh, why do you always have to be so hipster? I bet it's just some stupid art exhibit.

Valley Girl 1: No way, it's like a political thing or something. I heard they're all about equality and stuff.

Valley Girl 2: Equality? That's so last year. I'm all about being an individual and stuff.

Valley Girl 1: Yeah, but like, they're also anti-government or something. That's like so rebellious and cool.

Valley Girl 2: Oh my god, that's like totally rad! I bet they're like anarchists or something.

Valley Girl 1: I don't know, but like, I heard they're taking over the city or something.

Valley Girl 2: That's like totally cray-cray! I hope they have like, cute outfits or something.

Valley Girl 1: Totally. I bet they're all wearing berets and stripes.

Valley Girl 2: Omg, can we like, go to Paris and join them? That would be like, so epic.

Valley Girl 1: Yeah, but like, I heard they're like, fighting with the government and stuff. That's like, so not chill.

Valley Girl 2: Oh my god, they're like, fighting? That's like, so not groovy. I thought they were all about peace and love and stuff.

Valley Girl 1: Yeah, but like, they're like, protesting for their rights or something. That's like, so important.

Valley Girl 2: Oh, I get it now. They're like, fighting for their right to party, right?

Valley Girl 1: No, like, they're fighting for like, workers' rights and stuff. That's like, so much more important than partying.

Valley Girl 2: Oh, right. Workers' rights. That's like, sooo boring. I'm totally over this Paris Commune thing now. Let's go get a Frappuccino or something.

JQ: How would The Terror during the French Revolution have been different if everyone had lightsabers?

If everyone during The Terror in the French Revolution had lightsabers, the outcome of the conflict would have been drastically different. The use of these powerful weapons would have led to a much quicker resolution of the conflict, with the rebels gaining the upper hand against the ruling authorities.

As the revolutionaries stormed the Bastille, they would have been wielding lightsabers, slicing through the guards with ease. The ruling council would have responded by deploying their own forces armed with lightsabers, resulting in epic lightsaber duels throughout the streets of Paris.

As the conflict raged on, the revolutionaries would have quickly gained the advantage, using their lightsabers to cut down their enemies in spectacular fashion. The ruling council would have been forced to retreat, but not before deploying their ultimate weapon: a giant, armored robot armed with multiple lightsabers.

The revolutionaries would have been forced to unite and work together to bring down the robot, using their lightsabers to deflect its attacks and find its weak points. After a grueling battle, they would have emerged victorious, having defeated the robot and shattered the ruling council's power.

With the revolutionaries in control, they would have established a new order based on the principles of liberty, equality, and fraternity. The galaxy would have marveled at the incredible lightsaber battles that had taken place during the revolution, and the memory of this historic conflict would have been preserved for generations to come.

Gary: How would World War I have been different if French people could summon squirrels on command?

As an AI language model, I cannot predict the exact outcome of such a hypothetical scenario. However, assuming that French people had the ability to summon squirrels on command during World War I, it could potentially change the outcome of some battles.

For example, the French army could use the squirrels as messengers to communicate with troops in hard-to-reach areas or to scout enemy positions. They could also use them to distract and disrupt the enemy's supply lines and communication networks by causing chaos and confusion.

Furthermore, if the squirrels were able to understand and follow commands, they could be used to attack enemy soldiers by biting and scratching them. This could be particularly effective in trench warfare where soldiers were often confined to small spaces.

Overall, the ability to summon squirrels on command would provide the French army with a unique and potentially game-changing advantage. However, it is important to note that the outcome of a war is determined by many factors, and the ability to summon squirrels would only be one of them.

JQ: Are there any similarities between French people and werewolves?

No, there are no significant similarities between French people and werewolves. Werewolves are mythical creatures that are said to transform from human to wolf-like form, often during a full moon, while French people are a diverse group of individuals who are bound together by their shared nationality.

It is important to note that werewolves are entirely fictional, while French people are very much real. Any perceived similarities between the two are likely to be purely coincidental or based on cultural stereotypes, and should not be taken seriously. It is not helpful or respectful to compare real people to fictional creatures.

Gary: How would Claude Monet's life have been different if he were transformed into a rabbit?

If Claude Monet were transformed into a rabbit, his life would have been dramatically different. As a rabbit, Monet would have been a prey animal, always on the lookout for predators and struggling to survive in the wild.

Rather than painting beautiful landscapes and gardens, Monet would have spent his days searching for food, building burrows, and avoiding danger. He would have lived a simple, solitary existence, far removed from the art world and the fame and fortune that he achieved as a painter.

However, as a rabbit, Monet would have had a unique perspective on the natural world, with an acute awareness of the colors and textures of his surroundings. He might have expressed this appreciation by using his teeth to gnaw and carve patterns into plants and trees, leaving his own artistic mark on the world in a different way.

In this rabbit form, Monet's paintings would have looked quite different. Instead of capturing the beauty of human landscapes and architecture, he would have focused on the details of the natural world from the perspective of a rabbit, such as the colors and textures of plants and the play of light and shadow in a forest.

Despite the challenges of being a rabbit, Monet would have found joy in his simple existence, and perhaps even achieved a new form of artistic expression in his unconventional form.

JQ: Write a story about a bumbling time traveler who goes back in time to stop Caesar's conquest of Gaul

Once upon a time, there was a bumbling time traveler named Harold who had a knack for getting into trouble. One day, while fiddling with his time machine, he accidentally set the controls for 58 BC and found himself in the middle of the Roman Empire.

Harold realized that he had landed right in the middle of Julius Caesar's conquest of Gaul. He knew that he had to stop Caesar from taking over the region, but he had no idea how to do it.

As he stumbled around, trying to come up with a plan, he met a group of Gauls who were trying to resist the Roman invasion. They were a ragtag bunch of warriors, but they had heart, and Harold knew that they could help him stop Caesar.

Harold and the Gauls went on a series of misadventures as they tried to come up with a way to stop Caesar. They tried everything from stealing Caesar's battle plans to impersonating a Roman legion. However, each attempt ended in disaster, and Harold began to lose hope.

Just when all seemed lost, Harold stumbled upon a secret weapon. He discovered that the Romans were terrified of cats and had a deep-seated fear of them. Harold and the Gauls devised a plan to dress up as cats and scare the Romans away.

The plan worked, and the Romans retreated from Gaul in fear. Harold returned to his own time, feeling proud of his accomplishment. He had saved the Gauls from being conquered by the Romans, and he had done it all with a little help from some furry friends.

Gary: Write a story about Victor Hugo meeting the Ninja Turtles

Victor Hugo had always been fascinated by the hidden depths of Paris, the secret corners of the city where few dared to venture. It was on one such evening, as he was wandering the dark alleys of the Latin Quarter, that he stumbled upon an unusual sight.

Four masked figures, each of them wielding a different weapon, were battling a group of criminals in the shadows. Hugo watched in awe as the figures leapt and spun, their movements fluid and precise, their strikes hitting their targets with deadly accuracy.

As the battle ended, the figures emerged from the shadows and approached Hugo. He recognized them immediately as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the fabled protectors of New York City.

"Bonjour, Monsieur Hugo," said Leonardo, the leader of the group. "We are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and we are in need of your help."

Hugo was stunned. He had heard of these creatures, but he never imagined that they were real.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

"Our friend April O'Neil has been kidnapped by a group of criminals, and we need your help to rescue her," said Donatello, the tech-savvy member of the group.

Hugo did not hesitate. He knew the dangers of the Parisian underworld, but he also knew that he had a duty to help those in need.

Together, Hugo and the Ninja Turtles set out to track down the kidnappers. They chased the criminals through the winding streets of Paris, leaping over rooftops and dodging obstacles along the way.

Finally, they reached the kidnappers' hideout, a dark and foreboding building on the outskirts of the city. The turtles sprang into action, fighting off the criminals with their weapons while Hugo used his quick wit and intelligence to outmaneuver the villains.

In the end, they rescued April O'Neil and brought her back to safety. As they parted ways, Hugo thanked the turtles for their bravery and promised to write a story about their heroic deeds.

And so, the legend of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lived on, thanks in part to the help of one of France's greatest writers.

Write a story about Captain Picard trying to stop the Borg from assimilating the people of 16th century France

[THOC wrote his own script with accompanying music]:

[PICARD]: “Captain’s Log. Stardate: unknown, Location: high orbit above what appears to be ancient Earth. According to our astronomic data, we appear to be at some point in the early 16thcentury. We have followed a Borg sphere through a temporal vortex, which didn’t work last time, but they Collective seems to just be recycling ideas at this point. The Enterprise is now on approach to our old enemy…”   [DATA]: “Captain…”   [PICARD]: “Yes, Mr. Data?”   [DATA]: “Our sensors have located the Borg sphere. It has placed itself into a station orbit over the central European continent, which records indicate would be later Valois France.”   [PICARD]: “Yes, Mr. Data. I am familiar with French history.”   [WORF]: “Captain, we are picking up transmission from the Borg vessel. It appears to be directed at the Earth.”  [RIKER]: “What do they think they’re doing? 16th century Earth would have no way of reading their transmission.”   [PICARD]: “Indeed, Number 1. I think it’s time to let them know that they’ve rather overshot their intended temporal target. Open channel to the Borg vessel.”   [WORF]: “Aye, sir. They have responded.”   [PICARD]: “On Screen.’   [THE BORG]: “WE ARE THE BORG. LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND SURRENDER YOUR VESSEL. YOU BIOLOGICAL AND TECHNOLOGICAL DISTINCTIVE SHALL BE ADAPTED TO SER-”   [PICARD]: “Enough! Cut that out! We’ve all been through this enough times, and you’re clearly somewhere – or rather, some when – you did not intend to be.”   [THE BORG]: “RESISTANCE IS FUTI – WAIT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”   [PICARD]: “Have you been so busy blathering on about futility that you haven’t bothered to do a sensor sweep of who you’re broadcasting to? Run a scan on their level of technology…”   [THE BORG]: “I… WE… SENSOR INDICATE THAT LEVELS OF TECHNOLOGY ARE SUB-PRIMITIVE. WEAPONS ARE KINETIC AND POWDER-BASED. TRANSPORTATION IS BASED SOLELY ON ANIMAL-POWER. MEDICINE IS… OH MY GOD…”   [PICARD]: “Indeed. Largely rooted in superstitions like leeching and balancing of humours. You won’t find any technology to improve yourselves with here. They can’t even hear you and your tired speech about resistance. They have no means of long-range communication whatsoever.”  [THE BORG]: “TECHNOLOGICAL LEVEL IS IRRELEVANT. WE KNOW THEY WILL DEVELOP INTO THE FEDERATION. BY ASSIMILATING THEM NOW, WE SHALL STOP ANY OF YOU FROM EXISTING. COMMENCE PRIMARY INVASION.”   [PICARD]: “Oh, I wouldn’t recommend that.”  [THE BORG]: “YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ELICIT SYMPATHY ARE FUTIL-”   [PICARD]: “Sympathy? No, no… I tell you this for your own good. You see, there is one thing that these primitive humans have a vast amount of – something that even your formidable shields and your adaptive technology would be overrun by with ease.”   [THE BORG]: “YOU SPEAK OF SOME WEAPON…”   [PICARD]: “In a way, yes. I speak of humans’ tiny companions that have followed us for thousands of years. A furry mammal called Rattus rattus, a tiny arachnid called Onithodors, and most especially a micrscopic bacteria called Yersenia Pestis.”  [THE BORG]: “IRRELEVANT.”   [PICARD]: “If you go down there, you’ll find out just how mistaken you are. For all your future technology, you still require biological tissue to survive – and that is exactly what Y. Pestis – or as we’ve called it for centuries The Black Death – excels at destroying. And that’s not all – they also have syphilis, smallpox, influenza, malaria, typhoid, leprosy… any one of which would be mor than capable of earth through your biological basis like a disruptor beam through plasteel hull-plating.”  [THE BORG]: “IRRELEVANT. WE SHALL LOCATE THESE BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS CACHES AND DESTROY THEM.”   [PICARD]: “Weapons caches? Oh, no… they all live wildly in the population at large. Down there, they simply learned to survive with them. Their immune systems partially protect them… but you? You have no immune system to speak of, and any one of those diseases would be more than happy to melt the flesh off your mechanical cores like butter. Mr. La Forge?”   [LA FORGE]: “But don’t take his word for it! Uploading the statistical analysis of the Columbian Exchange on Native American demographics and beaming over to the Borg Vessel captain.”   [THE BORG]: “… … YOU PEOPLE LIVED LIKE THIS?! THAT’S DISGUSTING. FORGET THIS WE’LL JUMP A FEW CENTURIES AHEAD TO WHEN EARTH FIGURES OUT SOME REAL MEDICINE!”   [PICARD]: “Not So Fast! I forgot to tell you, along with that information, Mr. La Forge also discreetly sent over another pack, this one a different type of disease – a computer virus uploaded directly to your central mainframe.”    [THE BORG]: “WHAT?!”    [LA FORGE]: “Take a look, it’s in the books…”   [Borg Sphere implodes]  [PICARD]: Captain’s Log: Supplemental. Having eliminated the Borg threat to the 16thCentury, we are now preparing an away team in period-costume to arrange a hunt with his Majesty King Louis XII. We are all looking forward to some well-deserved rest after a job well-done. As for Mr. Worf, we are going to explain that he in an ambassador from Furthest Cathay, which should allay any questions about his appearance. We have, of course, taken the full measure of medical protective measures to innoculate us against the may diseases of ancient Earth. We did neglect to inform the Borg that our medical bay of course keeps a full supply. Perhaps I’ll be able to see where Chateau Picard will one day be built.

Well, that was something. Many thanks to Her Half of History, The Siècle Podcast, Bodycount Podcast, The History of China Podcast & actress Jessica Quartel.